I am having trouble with my lungs and I cough a lot, but I am not in the least deterred form using the poopers. Now I use them every day between 3 and 6 times. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but I stopped.įoolishly, I thought I could handle them and went back 7 years ago and have gone on and off them ever since. The only reason I stopped was because tiny red blotches were showing up on my face. It made me "drunk" and I would go to work with a lasting high. It brought out a very ,raw, primitive side of me that felt good beyond belief ! I started using it every day that week for 3- 5 times a day. I didn't even know what they were for most of my life, but I did house sitting for some gay friends in SF years ago and one of them showed it to me and I was curious, After they left I put on some porn and it was an incredible feeling using this stuff. I have been using them off and on for over twenty years. I feel I have been out of control for the last five months and have gone back to an issue I have with poppers.
There is another person that I have had issues with, but that is winding down and will eventually fade I think for both of us. So how obsessed was I really if I could get twenty years away from her? After a few brief and meaningless contacts after the year NC, I have never spoken to her again. I moved 3000 miles away and told her that I needed a year NC. The first woman only lasted a couple of years.
I used to think I was a "love addict" but I have only had two episodes over the last twenty years that were full blown obsessions.
I am not sure if I am a sex addict at all, even though I have been in SLAA for years. I am in one of the worst periods of my life.